Dende's Day Out
by Cremrock
Summary: A story about the god of Earth and the strongest Saiya-jin in the universe trying to find jobs... and what results is the epic tale of a Namek that won't quit, a Saiya-jin that will continue to eat, a... okay, just read it if it sounds interesting.


Authors note: Well this is my first humorous (Ok heck, first DBZ fanfic ever), I would just like to mention that this story contains a few references to the real world that would almost certainly not be in the DBZ universe. (Christmas, for example.) Well this is my first work, I hope you enjoy it, send any comments to cremrock@hotmail.com (Good or bad, I don't care as long as if they are bad you say what you didn't like and not just this story sucked!) See ya, ~cremrock

Dende's day out

"Son Goku, you're going to get a job today! You've been spending far too much time with your training, and we've run out of money because "someone" forfeited the last Budokai!" Chi-Chi was yelling at her husband, the now not so legendary but still strong super saiya-jin.

"A job?! I don't know how to work!" Goku reached for the refrigerator. Chi-chi slapped his hand away. 

"Well, just pretend that you're doing it to save the world. Now get going to Satan City right now!" She responded, glaring. 

"B...b...but... I'm hungry..." Goku said, helpless. Hanging his head, he began flying to Satan City's unemployment office.

* * *

Meanwhile, at Kami's lookout, Dende was having a discussion with Piccolo.

"Piccolo?! You're kidding, right?"

"Nope, sorry Dende. I'm going to start charging you rent for living here!" Piccolo replied, standing there with his cape blowing in the wind, despite the fact that there was no wind at all at the time.

"But I'm god of Earth! I can't just go to work! I have to... uh... watch people!"

"That's not going to work on me. It's the same excuse Kami used, then Cell showed up and he fused with me."

"Fine! Never mind that I healed you from death not once, but twice, helped Gohan get the dragonballs to bring YOU back. Got blown up by Freeza, saved the Earth with the Namek Dragonballs, took your cape and turban to the dry cleaners, AND got you that new magazine you wanted, how to look good when you only wear one outfit!! Well? Did that convince you?" There was an awkward silence. 

"...Oh, I'm sorry, I was meditating. Were you talking to me?" Piccolo replied, not even looking up.

Throwing his hands up in the air in exasperation, the young god leapt off of Kami's lookout and began flying to Satan City.

* * *

When Goku arrived, he saw a line of fifty people. Of course he was annoyed, but when he recognized the last person in line, cursing to himself in a most ungodlike way, Goku's eyes bugged out and his jaw dropped. 

"That stupid low-life lazy ungrateful bas- oh, hi Goku! What are you doing here?"

"D...Dende? What are you doing here? I never knew gods had to work like everyone else!" Goku said, still shocked.

"Oh? Not according to High Lord Piccolo, master of stupidity. He's making me pay rent for living on his lookout." Dende replied, clenching his fists.

"That doesn't sound very fair..."

"Yeah, you're right. Hard to believe the strongest fighter in the universe and the god of Earth has to get jobs like everyone else. I just wish we coul-" Dende was interrupted by a young man tapping him on the shoulder. 

"Excuse me you two, but could I go ahead of you in the line?" He asked.

"Sure thing!" The pure hearted Goku replied. Dende was about to complain, but then he remembered he was the god of Earth and had to do his part for humanity.

* * *

Thirty minutes later, Goku and Dende were even further back in the line. Dende's already frayed nerves were at their peak, and now even Goku was getting a bit angry. He was also very hungry.

"That's it!" Dende screamed. "Can this freaking line go any slower?! I think I've grown an inch since I got here! My friend and I have been..." Dende glanced around, suddenly aware that the towering saiya-jin wasn't standing behind him. "Goku? Where'd you go?" Unbeknownst to Dende, Goku had crossed the lobby to the nearby vending machine. Unfortunately, a fat man in front of him was busily purchasing every snack from the machine. When it was Goku's turn, he screamed out loud, looked left, and saw the fat man busily gobbling down all his snacks. 

"Are you going to eat all of that?" Goku asked the fat man hopefully. 

"Yes I am young man. Now leave me alone, I need this energy a lot more then you do!" He replied. Goku's eyes bulged out and he strained. There were only two things that made him do this. Threaten or hurt innocent people, or deny him food.

"B...but... I'm HUNGRRRRYYYYYY!!!!!!" Goku screamed and his hair grew about fifty feet and turned golden. He had just reached a new level of Super Saiya-jin.

"Ah! Okay, take the food! Just don't hurt me!" The fat man exclaimed, cowering away and throwing the food at Goku. Goku's demeanor changed instantly and he reverted back to his normal form. 

"Thanks sir!" Goku replied. He smiled, gathered up his hard won goods, and returned to the line.

* * *

While Goku had been getting his snacks, Dende had remained to hold their place in line while thinking of all the ways he would get pay Piccolo back. And he would get some payback. Contrary to popular belief, Dende did indeed have his mean streak. It didn't come often, but when it did, Piccolo had better watch out. Presently, Goku returned behind Dende, still gobbling down snacks. Dende turned around to be faced with a mountain of rapidly disappearing food. Fortunately, he knew exactly who it was. Only one man had the capacity to hold that much food.

"Hey Goku, did you get me anything?" Dende asked hopefully.

"Uh... no... want this candy bar?" 

"Don't you remember? We namek's normally just drink water."

Of course this was a foreign concept to the saiya-jin from Earth, and he immediately commented on it.

"How come Muri and some of the other nameks are so fat looking then?" Dende looked slightly annoyed. "I'm sorry Dende, did I offend you?"

"IT'S NOT FAT, IT'S GLANDULAR!" Dende screamed. He regained his composure and glanced around. Everyone in the office was looking at him. A bead of sweat trickled down his forehead. "Uh... heh, sorry. Got carried away." He replied meekly. Then Goku asked another question.

"Hey Dende, what's glandular mean?" 

"Never mind Goku, I have a plan to get us out of here." As he said this Goku bent down and Dende began whispering in his ear. Had anyone knowing anything about nameks been watching, they would have noticed a strange thing. Dende grabbed Goku's candy bars and shoved them into his mouth. Then he passed out, his face and mouth smeared with chocolate. That was when Goku screamed.

"Oh no! My son's allergic to this chocolate! Look at his skin! He's dying! Someone find a doctor for my baby!"

Rapidly the line cleared of people as they rushed off to find a doctor. When they had left, Dende stood back up, dashed to a nearby washroom, and returned with his face clean. He grinned.

"Hey Goku! That worked great! Goku? What's wrong?" Dende said, noticing Goku's expression.

"Y...you didn't have to use them all." He replied.

"Whoops, sorry. Don't worry, they didn't taste very good. (*I know, I know, how the heck would someone who doesn't eat know about good taste?*) Honestly, I don't know why you people have to eat all the time. No food, no hair, no need for a girlfriend, nice long lifespan, heck it's great to be a Namek!" Dende grinned.

"I wouldn't know. Hey, why does someone from your race always end up being God anyway?" 

"Well, let's just say that humans might be tempted to do some disreputable things if you had the ability to look down at everyone on Earth. Anyway, let's get to that desk before all those people come back." 

* * *

At the desk, Goku approached the receptionist. 

"Hi! We'd like to fill out some unemployment applications!" Goku said.

"Okay, please fill these forms out." The lady receptionist replied, adjusting her glasses. 

"Thanks!" Dende and Goku replied.

Goku sat down on a nearby bench. Dende leapt up on top of it so he could be at about eye level with Goku.

"Hey Dende! That receptionist forgot to give us something to write with!" Goku exclaimed. 

"Not to worry Goku, I've got this covered." Dende handed Goku a pencil.

"Thanks. Where did you get these, anyway? I didn't see any pencils up there." Dende eyed Goku suspiciously, then reached into his collar/neck clothing. 

"You think these are so loose and big because they're comfortable? We use them to store things. I've also got a bottle of water and a yo-yo in here!" Dende replied smugly.

"A... yo-yo? Why the heck do you have a yo-yo?" Goku asked, confused.

"Hey, do you think I just boss Mr. Popo around, look down at Earth, and listen to the sounds of Piccolo doing nothing all the time? I don't go on dates for obvious reasons, I can't fight so I don't train, and Piccolo broke the TV Gohan bought me for my birthday. The only thing I have left to do IS play with the yo-yo." 

"Oh. That's interesting. Well, I'm done. Could you read this out loud and tell me what you think, Dende?" Goku asked, handing Dende the paper.

"Sure thing Goku! Hmm... let's see. Name: Son Goku. Good. Gender: Male. That seems right... Interests: Fighting, eating, helping people. Age: 37. Married: Yes. Skills: Fighting, eating, helping people. Reason for coming: Wife. Lifetime Ambition: Fight strong opponents. That's obvious... References: Freeza(deceased), Cell(deceased), Kid Buu(deceased) Hey Goku, two questions. First, how do you think these people are going to be contacted? And two, do you think Freeza is really going to say, Yeah that Son Goku is a great fighter, I got chopped in half because of him!" Dende exclaimed. "It's a nice application, maybe you could be a bodyguard or something." Dende handed Goku his application.

"But... I don't want to be a bodyguard."

"Hmm... maybe a superhero, I understand it's been quite profitable for your son." 

"What? How?"

"Do you really think the reason those bank robbers goods were never found was because they were buried? I understand it was Gohan who took the money." Dende said, smiling.

"But... I didn't bring him up like that! Who taught him that?" Goku said, flabbergasted.

"I don't know. Probably the results of seeing his dad get killed when he was four, then again when he was about... heck I can't remember. He was nine or something. I'm sure Piccolo didn't help him along either... anyway, I'm done! Let's go turn these in." Dende hopped down from the bench and approached the receptionist. "I'll go first. Hi! I'm done filling this out!" Dende handed the receptionist his paper.

"I'm sorry, this isn't done. You haven't filled out the part labeled gender."

"IS THIS SUCH A DIFFICULT CONCEPT FOR YOU PEOPLE TO UNDERSTAND?" Dende yelled.

"I'm sorry, if you continue this you're going to have to be asked to leave."

"Sorry. Just put whatever you want." Dende grumbled.

"Fine, Mr. Dende. What's your age? Here you have, my people have a much shorter year then yours, so to tell you my age in years would be pointless."

"What's the minimum age to work in this city?" Dende asked.

"Um... 16." 

"Fine, I'm 16 years old." Dende replied.

"Really?"

"No."

"Ok, fine. It says here that you are good at making people feel better. Well, we've got an idea. How about you become a faith healer?" The receptionist replied, smiling. Dende just stared at the receptionist quizzically. "Is something wrong sir? Did I say something to offend you?" There was an awkward silence as Dende continued staring.

"Don't you know who I am?" Dende asked.

"No, should I?"

"Good, just checking." Dende calmed down noticeably.

"Well, after reviewing your friend's application as well, we've decided you two can work in the Satan City mall for awhile. You see, the holidays are coming up, and..."

* * *

One hour later at the Satan City mall, Goku appeared quite a bit older. He now had a bright red suit and was graced with a long white beard. Dende stood beside him in a green and red outfit, looking uncomfortable. He also had a long green hat with a fuzzy ball at the end.

"This is sooooooo embarrassing Goku. What am I supposed to be again?" Dende said, adjusting his outfit for the sixth time they had been sitting there.

"You're an elf Dende. You're supposed to sit next to me, look jolly, and then give up your seat so the kids can take pictures with Santa Claus. Why do you keep adjusting that thing anyway?" 

"Well Goku, its kind of uncomfortable wearing Earth's clothes, they're a bit tight. Since you're too lazy to teleport me back to Namek, I just have to ask Shenron to make me sets of clothes. Not to mention that this is a horrible looking outfit." 

Goku adjusted his beard. "I'm not anymore happy about it then you, but at least we're working."

"But they took my water! I was thirsty too!" Dende whined. He looked as if he was about to speak again but a large rumbling sound stopped him.

"Uh oh, better start smiling Dende, here comes the first wave!"

"Hey Goku, look! That kid in the lead is Goten!" Dende said, pointing. Goten walked up to the pair with a wide smile.

"Santa! I found you at last!" Goten said, leaping up onto Goku's lap.

"Goten! How are you my chi- er... um... little boy?" _Wow!_ Goten thought. _Santa knows my name!_

"Well, my dad's left me again, he's probably training or something. Sometimes I wish he didn't come back to life at all, he's always leaving mom and me!" Out of the corner of his eye, Goku could have sworn he saw Dende rolling around on the ground laughing his head off.

"So um, what do you want?" 

"Well, um... he he... candy and toys!" 

"Anything in particular?"

"Well, maybe one of those new Tickle me Dende dolls..." Now Goku saw Dende's eyes bulge out as he fell down. Goku could have sworn that Dende didn't move for two minutes. Finally, Goten was done and Dende sat him down next to Goku to have his picture taken.

"Psst! Hey kid, who makes those dolls anyway?" Dende whispered to Goten as he sat him on the chair.

"Oh um... I remember, they're made by a company called Piccolo and Popo productions!" 

"THAT'S IT! THIS MEANS WAR!" Dende screamed. 

"What's wrong with your elf, Santa?" Goten asked Goku. Dende struggled to regain his composure.

"Uh... sit down so your picture can be taken."

* * *

Three children later, three more Tickle me Dende requests, and Dende was about ready to kill someone. His day and Goku's was not improving. Goku was slightly annoyed from Goten's comments, and his pants were slightly wet from the last child's accident. To add to the fun, he was getting hot in the red flannel suit. Suddenly Goku recognized a familiar figure. No, Goku thought. It can't be, here, in this outfit...

"Hey Goku, isn't that Klilyn(Yes I know I'm probably butchering that, but there are what, three or more ways his name is commonly perceived as?) over there?" Dende said, pointing at the approaching man. _Please don't let him recognize me,_ Goku thought. _Please oh please god, don't let him see... wait a minute, god's standing right beside me! Darn!_

As Klilyn walked past, he stopped and peered strangely at Santa and his elf, as if sensing a power level. Then his eyes bugged out and he screamed.

"No! Now even Santa Claus is stronger then me! I can't take it anymore!" With that Klilyn blew off the mall's roof and flew away while laughing hysterically. Goku and Dende just stood and stared at the sky for a few moments. 

"I don't think he's coming back." Goku commented. "Can this day get any worse?"

"Hey Goku, Mr. Buu is coming, and it looks like he wants to sit on Santa's lap!" Dende exclaimed, chuckling.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Goku screamed.

Although large, Mr. Buu still often acted like a child, for indeed he was one at heart. So, it was for that reason he approached Goku and Dende while smiling.

"Santa! I've waited so long to meet you!" Buu exclaimed, walking up to stand in front of him.

"Uh, ho ho ho... you look a bit large for me kid, so why don't you sit on this chair next to me!" Goku said hastily. Buu just grinned happily.

"Okay Santa!" Regrettably, at this very moment Dende was adjusting a banner with the words "Sit with Santa" on it. His Red and Green colored clothing was the perfect camouflage with the Red and Green chair. Slowly, a curious shadow descended around him.

"Hey, what's thi- ahhhh!" Dende screamed as Buu descended.

* * *

For a few minutes after that Buu was involved in a quaint discussion with Goku about which Christmas candy he wanted and what toys to get. Then his expression changed.

"Hey Santa, did you hear something?"

"I don't think so."

"Do you have any other chairs Santa? This one is really uncomfortable, something is jamming into my back and legs."

"Oh sorry, I'll ask my assistant to get another one. Hey, where is my assistant anyw-" Goku stopped talking. That fuzzy white ball attached to some green cloth protruding from under Buu's chair looked oddly familiar, almost as if...

"OH NO! BUU! STAND UP AND TURN AROUND!" Goku screamed. Buu smiled. 

"Whatever you say, Santa." Slowly Buu turned around.

"OH MY GOSH! SOMEBODY GET THE JAWS OF LIFE!" Goku yelled, wincing. Wedged inside Buu's flabby backside was the struggling Dende, his arms flailing out in all directions while he was in considerable pain. Wasting no time, Goku quickly exploded into Super Saiya-jin and pulled the helpless namek out.

"Dende! Speak to me! Are you okay!" Goku yelled. The dazed Dende looked around weakly.

"Santa...?"

"Yes?"

Dende's teeth clenched, and his eyes grew with an intense fire as he grabbed Goku by the collar.

"We...are...getting...a... new... JOB!"

* * *

Five minutes later, after collecting their 500 zeni and changing back into their regular clothes, Dende and Goku were walking through the mall.

"Well Goku, that sucked. What other jobs could we be good at?" Dende asked while rubbing his sore arm.

"I don't know, we'll have to think of something."

"Hey! It's the new animated Tickle me Dende doll! Wow!" Dende and Goku whirled around to see a mob of several hysteric kids.

"What th-" Dende began.

"Hey Mister, will you sell us your toy?" The lead child asked Goku.

"Um sorry, I'm not for sale..." Dende began.

"Wow! It has Artificial Intelligence too! Let's see if he runs away when we try to set him on fire!" The children screamed.

"Wha...?" Dende began.

A slightly scorched Dende crawled out of the blazing mall ten minutes later. Elsewhere, Goku was pulling everyone out of the blaze.

"Kids shouldn't play with fire..." Dende muttered to himself, shaking his head. Then he heard crying nearby. Turning a corner, Dende saw a young child clutching his elbow and crying. Sighing, Dende approached him. "What's wrong?" 

"I hurt my elbow, it has a boo-boo on it." Grumbling to himself at the use of the term boo-boo, Dende healed the child.

"There kid, all better. Now go find your parents."

The child sat there and stared at him. Then he smiled broadly. 

"Thanks mister. Here, you can have this present." The boy handed Dende a wrapped gift.

"Wow, thanks kid! Have a good day!" Then to the child's astonishment, Dende flew off looking for Goku. He finally spotted Goku and landed while smiling. "Hey Goku, I'm back, and a kid gave me a present!"

"That's nice, let's open it!" Goku said, smiling and sitting down next to Dende.

"Ok Goku." Dende tore the wrapping paper off of the package, revealing a... Tickle me Dende doll.

"DOES THIS NEVER END!" Dende screamed to the open air.

"Lighten up Dende, I'd be happy to have toys made after me. Let's see what it's like." 

"Not if you knew what a crummy job they've been doing in the States..." Dende muttered.

"What?"

"Nevermind. Fine, I'll read the back of this, let's see. Touch him in various places to hear authentic Dende phrases. Hmm, let's see if that jerk Piccolo at least got my voice sounding right." Dende pushed the doll in the stomach. "We Nameks don't eat, we just drink water!" The doll replied. Goku rubbed the doll's head. "To use our dragonballs you have to make the wish in the Namek tongue!" Dende rolled his eyes.

"I'm going to kill Piccolo! Starting with this doll! Die!" Dende poked the doll in the eyes. "Hey! Don't piss off the god of Earth!" The doll replied back. Dende and Goku just glanced at each other.

"How novel. One down, countless millions to go." Dende then made a small fire with his hands and set the doll on fire.

"Dende, I'm hungry, I haven't eaten for two hours! Can't we go to a restaurant before we go job hunting?" Goku asked, rubbing his stomach and looking at Dende hopefully.

"Well, I don't know who elected me leader, but I could use a drink. This'll be good, I'll finally be able to mingle more with the Earthlings!" Walking down the street, Dende saw a large sign that read: Food and LIVE Entertainment here!

"This place looks interesting, lets go here, Goku."

"Fine." Goku replied. The two of them walked into a room with a curtained stage and seated themselves. Dende ordered a glass of water, while Goku ordered one of everything on the menu. About twenty minutes after their things arrived, Goku stopped eating. Dende had been glancing around noticing things.

"Hey Goku, wonder why so many men are here? There's no women at all!"

"I don't know, they seem excited about something, it's not the food, it stinks!"

"This water isn't very good either.

"Hey, isn't that Kamesennin(Master Roshi) and Oolong over there?" Goku said, pointing. 

"Looks like it." Dende replied.

"That's odd, he almost never eats out." Goku said. Slowly the curtain slid up and odd music started playing. A young woman in a tuxedo and a top hat came out. All the men started cheering even louder except for Goku and Dende.

"You humans have a really bad taste in music. Is this what all your theatrical performances and Broadway shows are like?" Dende remarked. The woman began dancing, as she slowly took her top hat off and tossed it into the crowd. Dende picked it up and ran to the front of the stage.

"Hey Miss, you dropped your hat!" The polite minded Dende said. (C'mon folks, I'm not going to be perverted in this story or anything.) Suddenly Goku realized where they were. All the men, the bad food, Kamesennin and Oolong, the woman, the puzzle fit together perfectly. Goku quickly dashed around, put a hand over Dende's mouth, and dashed outside. As soon as they got outside Dende began complaining.

"Hey Goku! What's the big deal! I was just trying to be polite, and I wanted to see what a human theatrical performance was like! And I had to give that woman back her hat!" 

"Trust me Dende, that was not something we need to see. Let's go find a job."

"Fine Goku, I suppose since you have no respect for the arts, you can ruin my experience too, even though I just wanted to try to understand Earth's people better...

"Dende?" Goku began.

"Yes?"

"Do me a favor for two minutes. Please shut up."

* * *

Three hours later, Goku and Dende were now standing in front of a manager. He was wearing a bright red uniform with the word McSatan's on it.

"Hello, welcome to McSatan's. May I take your order, please?"

"Sorry Mr. Dende, that wasn't good enough. Please try again." The manager said to Dende.

"What?! That's the twentieth time in a row! I did fine!" Dende screamed, throwing a tantrum.

"Oh sir, please stop. Your friend Goku didn't complain when he had to repeat it!"

"Well yeah, you did offer him all the food he could eat!" 

"It's part of the contract for joining the McSatan's family. We desperately need the extra help, so I've decided to hire you two. Your shift starts in a few minutes. You two are going to be the only two people when the restaurant opens, so you have to work hard. Do a good job and you'll get a raise. Oh yeah, you're going to have to wear our uniform, Mister. You can't wear those clothes." Dende drooped down and sighed.

"There's always that, isn't there..." Dende began.

* * *

Ten minutes later, Goku and Dende were in their uniforms and in the restaurant. Both were peering at the deep fryer.

"Hey Dende, how does this thing turn on again? I forget!" Goku asked, fiddling with one of the switches.

"Y..you mean he didn't tell you? I don't remember! I just assumed you knew!"

"Well, I don't." Goku said, frowning.

"Goku, you eat all the time! You should know how to prepare any dish in the world!"

"What are we going to do! This place is supposed to open in half an hour!"

"Ok Goku, don't worry, as usual I have a plan to get us out of this mess. Here, wrap this string of hot dogs around your neck!" Dende handed Goku the hotdogs and began rummaging around the McSatan's freezer.

"W..what?" Goku asked.

"Here! Use this string to tie these hamburger patties onto your legs while I tie this package of fries to your chest! Hurry!"

"What the heck are you planning, Dende?" Goku yelled. Dende looked very annoyed. "It's very hard to fly and tie at the same time Goku! Don't make me talk!"

Ten minutes later, Goku was covered from head to toe with every food McSatan's had to offer the general public.

"Good work Goku! Now power up and use that kaioken technique!"

"D...Dende! I don't think I can!"

"Why not?! Becoming Super Saiya-jin 3 is harder then that!" Dende said, while making sure every food on Goku was secure. Goku looked pained.

"But it all looks so tasty!" 

"Just keep thinking money, Goku. If you get confused look at my skin! It's green! Like money! Just focus on that!"

"Fine... Kaioken times twenty!!!" Goku was enveloped in fire as the food began to sizzle.

"That's great work Goku! I..." Dende stopped and sniffed the air. "Hey, what's burning?" 

"Dende! You're on fire!"

"Ahh, not again!" Dende screamed and started rolling around and around on the ground. Goku grabbed the struggling Namek, threw him under the soft drink dispenser and pushed all the buttons, dousing the fire with every carbonated beverage McSatan's had to offer. Now thoroughly soaked but not on fire, Dende glared at Goku.

"Thanks a lot Goku. Now I smell and taste like a soft drink. Hey! I don't know what one tastes like!" Dende finished talking and reached for a 40 oz. Cup. "Hmm... what to drink?" He said to himself. Dende pushed a button labeled: Mega Super Hyper Jolt Cola! Ten times the caffeine!

"Dende, I don't think you should..." Goku began as Dende took a large swig of the beverage. Suddenly Dende froze, his eyes bulged open, his pupils shrunk to the size of pins and his face took on a strange look. 

"W..W...WOW! THE COLORS! THIS STUFF IS INCREDIBLE! DON'T YOU THINK SO, GUYS?" Dende said while taking another sip.

"Um, Dende? You're talking to two garbage cans..."

"DON'T LISTEN TO HIM GUYS, HE DOESN'T KNOW YOU LIKE I DO!" Dende said to his caffeine induced "friends." Goku scratched his head.

"Wow, caffeine must have some pretty strange effects on nameks! What the... Dende! No!" Goku exclaimed as he ran after Dende, who by now was lying under the soft drink dispenser and holding the jolt button down, allowing it to pour down his throat. "Dende! Give me that!" Goku grabbed the Namek and began pulling him away from the machine.

"LET GO! I NEED IT! HELP GUYS!" It took Goku several minutes, but he finally began wrestling him away from the machine.

* * *

Meanwhile, several miles away, Vegeta was out testing with a scouter Bulma had built because she had wanted to be able to read power levels. *Click *

"That's strange, I'm picking up Kakkarot's power reading a couple miles away. Wow! It's at 25,000,000! And he's struggling with another one at 30,000,000! I'd better go check this out!"

* * *

"Dende! You're hallucinating!"

"NO I'M NOT FREEZA! NOW YOU'RE TRYING TO TAKE AWAY MY JOLT! WELL I'M NOT GOING TO STAND FOR IT! I HAVE MY OWN ATTACK MOVES! SUPER NAMEK HEADBUTT! YAHHHHHHH!!!!!!" Dende hurtled at Goku at an almost blinding speed. Goku leapt out of the way just as Vegeta came through the McSatan doors.

"Hey, Kakkarot, what's going on in..." Vegeta began. "OOF!" Flying at breakneck speeds, Dende slammed into Vegeta right below the belt. Dende bounced away, and Vegeta groaned and fell over.

"Vegeta! Are you okay!" Goku exclaimed as he ran over to Vegeta. Vegeta lay there groaning for another minute. 

"Goku... that hurt." Vegeta said, still looking dazed. Goku just stared.

"Vegeta, what did you call me?"

"I said shut the hell up Kakkarot!" Vegeta raged.

"Hey, where'd Dende... NO! Not again! Get away from that machine!"

"NO FREEZA! I'M GOING BACK TO WHERE MY FRIENDS ARE!" Dende then jumped into the soft drink machine.

"Oh great! Vegeta, quick, go to the store and buy the biggest depressant you can find! Hurry!"

Vegeta left immediately, while still groaning. Goku walked to the machine. Unfortunately, all he heard were the continuing monstrous glug glugs of Dende drinking inside the machine. Then the glugging mysteriously stopped.

"Hey Dende, are you alright in th-"

"HEY GOHAN! WE'RE OUT OF THINGS TO DRINK! HOW BOUT A SONG INSTEAD! SOUND GOOD? OK, HERE GOES! ZIP A DEE DOO DAH, ZIPPEDY DEY! MYYYY OHHH MYYYY WHAT A WONDERFUL DAAAYYYY...

Looking at the destruction all around him, combined with verse after eardrum shattering verse of Dende's singing. Goku broke down and started crying.

* * *

Vegeta came back ten minutes later.

"Goodness Kakkarot, what's that awful sound?" Vegeta exclaimed.

"Dende's lodged in the soft drink machine, I can't get him out! His singing is driving me crazy!"

"Oh, well... I got what you wanted. It's extra drowsy cough medicine. Okay?"

"That'll be fine, thanks Vegeta." Goku poured the cough medicine in a large paper cup and approached the machine, where Dende's hyped up voice could still be heard singing. Goku knocked on the machine. "Hey Dende, come on out and I'll give you some more Jolt...

"ZIPPEDY DOO DA-... IS IT FRESH?"

"Yeah, it's fine. 

"OH GOOD!" Dende exploded out of the machine and grabbed the cup Goku was holding. He drained it in one gulp. "HEY! THIS ISN'T... *Thump * zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz....

"Thank goodness, he's finally down. Thanks for your help, Vegeta." Goku said, smiling in relief. Vegeta just stared at Goku. Finally he spoke.

"Kakkarot, why in..." Vegeta looked uncertain, then pointed at the sleeping Dende. "...his name are you two working here, and why are you covered with every food this fine establishment has to offer?" Goku explained everything to Vegeta, who began his sinister, evil sounding laugh.

"So now the two of you are two blue-collar bums just trying to make some money like everyone else? What happened to your Saiya-jin pride, hmmm? HA HA HA HA HA HA!"

"I think that disappeared when I walked into the unemployment office. Oh no! This place is due to open in two minutes and Dende is out cold! What am I gonna do?!" Vegeta smiled.

"Kakkarot, let me show you a little trick that worked one day when Bulma kicked me out of the house much like Chi-Chi did. Do as I say. First, pick up Dende." Goku did as Vegeta asked.

"Now what, Vegeta?" 

"Now follow me, Kakkarot." With that Vegeta walked out of the restaurant and leapt into the air. Goku slung Dende over his shoulder and followed. The two of them were now hovering above the restaurant. 

"Okay Kakkarot, now repeat after me. It's up to you to remember since your co-worker there is out cold. That'll actually help add to the realism. We were sitting here getting ready to open..."

"We were sitting here getting ready to open..." Goku repeated.

"...when suddenly the restaurant's fryer exploded..."

"...when suddenly the restaurant's fryer exploded..." Goku continued.

"...Dende was knocked out..."

"...Dende was knocked out..."

"...and I managed to grab him and get out just before the place exploded!"

"...and I managed to grab him and get out just before the place exploded!"

"Understand Kakkarot? Now when the manager asks you what happened just say that and tell him the two of you quit."

"Understand Kakkarot? Now when the man-"

"Don't repeat that part moron! Just what I said before!"

"Okay Vegeta, but how's he going to believe the place exploded, it's right below us!" Vegeta just grinned.

"Don't worry Kakkarot, that's my specialty! Final Flash!" Vegeta yelled, joining his hands together and obliterating the restaurant with his patented attack. "There, that's all there is to it Kakkarot. I'm going home now, see you later."

Vegeta began flying off.

"Hey Vegeta! Aren't you forgetting something?" Goku yelled to the departing Vegeta.

"What-... oh that. Next time we meet Kakkarot, I will defeat you! I still am the best Saiya-jin! HA HA HA HA!" Vegeta then flew off at top speed. Goku landed in an alley and gently put Dende onto the ground. Then he eyed the food still strapped to his body. 

"Can't let all of this go to waste..."

* * *

Twenty minutes later, Goku was still eating. Aside from having to power up to drive off the occasional bird, everything was going fine. Dende woke up stood on his feet, and swayed dizzily. His eyes were half opened and half closed, and his mouth hung just slightly open. Goku smiled.

"Nice to see you awake Dende!" Dende just stood there. Then he swayed a little too far and toppled on his backside. "Dende? Are you okay?" Dende's expression changed only slightly.

"Dende? How do you fe-" Goku was cut off as Dende let loose the largest belch ever seen or heard, it was the Big Bang Kame Hame Ha of belches. Goku screamed, "Noooooooooooooooooo!" As Dende's belch blew him halfway around the world. The drowsy Dende swayed again somewhat drunkenly, lay back down, and went back to sleep.

* * *

By the time Goku finished eating and flew halfway around the world, a half hour had passed. As he approached Dende began to wake up. He was standing by the time Goku landed.

"G...Goku? What's going on? The last thing I remember is taking a swig of that soft drink... Why does my body ache all over? And why aren't we at McSatan's?" Dende asked, noticeably confused.

"Dende, lets just say I have a newfound insight as to why Namek's only drink water." Goku then explained the whole McSatan's fiasco to Dende using Vegeta's story.

"So as I took a drink of that soft drink, the machine exploded and knocked me out? Darn, I don't even remember what it tasted like. I'll have to try it again someday."

Goku's eyes bugged out.

"Um, Dende? When you do try that again, could you be a million miles away from me please? I'm um... allergic to that stuff."

"Sure thing Goku. So, we're not working at McSatan's anymore? That's good, because I have an idea that we can kill two birds with one stone..."

* * *

Back at Kami's lookout, Piccolo was happy. His business with Mr. Popo was booming. They had made millions of zeni off the Tickle me Dende Company, and he had used some of the money to purchase a large big screen TV. He was sitting on a large plush couch with Mr. Popo, watching the huge screen TV they had bought. Yes, Dende hadn't come back yet, and Piccolo was slightly worried about him. Still, he wasn't too concerned. _He's only been gone a day,_ Piccolo thought. _I'm sure he'll be back soon._

Then Piccolo changed the channel to find an infomercial. Piccolo and Popo saw a crudely made close up of a hand held sign reading...

New Strength Building Technique! 

The Denku Way!

Piccolo groaned. 

"Why do these humans always want to take the easy way to get strong, for crying out lou- what the heck?!" Piccolo's expression had changed to disbelief because now Goten could be seen on the screen. Piccolo's second surprise came when he recognized Dende's off screen voice.

"Have you ever wanted to be stronger and taller? Well, with our new Denku training regimen, you can change this..." Goten's image faded out, "...with this!" Now Goku's image faded in as he spoke. 

"Wow! That was sooo easy!"

"This is crazy... hey Mr. Popo, are you taping this?"

"Of course, I'm not strong and tall like you are, Piccolo!" The screen now cut to Dende standing still while looking at the camera. He smiled and waved.

"Our system is so easy, you have fun while doing it!" Dende then walked off screen, presently returning rolling up a dummy on wheels.

"Hey Piccolo! That looks like you!" Mr. Popo said.

"Yes..."

Dende began speaking again.

"With our patented Punch me Piccolo dummy, you can have hours of fun while building endurance and stamina. Goku will demonstrate!" Goku began punching the dummy in the chest repeatedly. 

"As you can see, the harder Goku punches, the more Piccolo's eyes bulge out!"

Back at Kami's Lookout, the real Piccolo's eyes were bulging out. Dende continued speaking.

"We would also like to mention that our product isn't a piece of crap like the Tickle me Dende dolls, kids can have even more fun with this dummy while getting strong!" At the bottom of the TV screen, in ultra tiny print, some words appeared. They read Results may vary. This may not increase EVERYONE'S strength and height. Piccolo's eyes were still bulging as Mr. Popo was on his knees pounding a fist on the couch, he was laughing so hard.

"Oh Piccolo, that's just too much!" 

"POPO!..." Piccolo began.

"Ah sir, don't take this too hard, you did use his name to make tons of money without his... huh?!" Mr. Popo had changed his expression because on the TV screen now was Dende holding up a picture of Popo. 

"Yes folks, even if you're short and fat like this fellow, you can still manage to get in shape!" 

"That little green runt's going to die!" Mr. Popo screamed.

"Now Popo, what was that you said about not taking things too hard?" Piccolo said sarcastically.

"And now a word from our sponsor!"

* * *

"And cut!" 

Dende was leaping up and down laughing hysterically. He and Goku exchanged high fives. 

"That was great work Goku! With Mr. Satan putting his own personal sign of approval on the dummies, we're going to be rich! We'll have all the money we need, and I'm getting back at Piccolo! Ha ha ha ha!" Goku looked concerned. "Goku? What's wrong?"

"Well Dende, one thing's troubling me. Aren't you ripping off the people of Earth? That doesn't sound like something the god of Earth should do." Dende held up a finger and smiled. 

"Don't worry about it Goku, I know my duty. After I pay Piccolo the rent and buy a few things, all the rest of the money's going to charity, I certainly don't need it."

* * *

Three days later, Goku and Dende were very wealthy.

"Well, Goku, I guess the only thing left to do is go see Piccolo." Dende said, counting a wad of zeni.

"I'll go with you Dende, Piccolo might be a little angry. He used to have quite a temper before he joined with Kami." 

Five minutes later, the two of them were on the way to Kami's lookout. When they got to the top, Piccolo and Mr. Popo were waiting for them with angry expressions on their faces. 

"Gee guys, you don't look very happy. What's wrong?" Goku asked.

"Hey Goku, did anyone ever tell you you're a master of the obvious?" Dende said dryly. 

"No...Why?"

"Nevermind. So Piccolo, what's it like to have a taste of your own medicine?"

"Har har Dende. I'm laughing on the inside." Piccolo replied, frowning.

"That'll teach you to make dolls of me without asking! I'm still mad at you for kicking me out! Everything's fair in war!" Piccolo thought about that comment for a moment.

"Hey Dende, it's plainly obvious I don't like you making dummies out of me and you don't like me making Tickle me Dende dolls. So I've come up with a mutually beneficial agreement." Piccolo said, smiling.

"I'm listening..." Was Dende's reply.

* * *

Later that day, Piccolo, Goku, Dende, and Mr. Popo were watching the big screen TV. Piccolo and Dende were each drinking super filtered polar ice water, which cost five thousand zeni a bottle. Mr. Popo was sucking on a tootsie roll pop, and Goku was eating a sandwich that lasted for about ten seconds.

"Hey guys, why are we watching the news again?" Goku asked, yawning. Dende, Piccolo, and Mr. Popo replied,

"You'll see." Dende and Piccolo grinned, Mr. Popo smiled, and Goku just sat there, uncomprehending. Dende took a drink from his water. 

"Hey look, here it comes!" Mr. Popo said. The news announcer came onto the screen. 

"... and in other odd news today, two popular up and coming companies exploded today. Piccolo and Popo productions, maker of the best selling Tickle me Dende dolls, and Denku industries, maker of the popular Punch me Piccolo training set. This saddened many children, bodybuilders, and workers, but we can all hope the companies will be rebuilt since the total insurance money totaled well over 2 billion zeni. In other news... *click * 

"So what do you think Goku? We're all rich, everyone's happy, I'm drinking the best water money can buy, and Piccolo's letting me live here again!" Dende said, smiling and raising his incredibly overpriced water in a toast. Piccolo grinned.

"Well Dende, that little embarrassment taught me a lesson. I'll never kick you out of this place again!" The four of them continued celebrating for a few hours, then Goku went home.

* * *

...that night...

Dende wandered through the halls of the lookout at midnight. Piccolo and Popo were asleep, and Dende was thirsty. Opening his refrigerator, he saw fifty bottles of overpriced water. He reached for one and stopped suddenly. 

"Hey? What's this can doing here? Mega Super Hyper Jolt Cola? Well, what the heck, I guess I'll try it, if only to get it out of here..." Opening the can, Dende took a big sip...

* * *

Goku stepped out of the house into the brisk night air. The sky was illuminated by a bright glow in the distant sky. Looking closer, Goku saw that a section of Kami's lookout was on fire. He heard a strange sound echoing through the distance...

"ZIPPEDY DOO DAH, ZIPPEDY DEY.... MYYYYY OHHHHH MYYYYY WHAT A WONDERFUL DAY..." 

The sound was soon followed by shouts of...

"Dende! Get down from there! Stop drinking all of our expensive water!" Of course Goku did not recognize the sound of the voice since it was so far away, so he went back to bed. He was awakened in the early morning to the sounds of someone knocking on his door. He leapt out of bed, ran up to the door and opened it. He leaped up and smashed his head off the door in surprise. Standing in front of him, with two suitcases almost as big as himself, stood Dende.

"Hi Goku! Could I live with you awhile? Piccolo kicked me out again..."

THE END


End file.
